Introducing Mr. Understatement

I’ve been talking about Mr. Understatement a bit but I have not formally introduced him. I’ve meant to write about him before now, but it seemed private at first and then complicated. There could be quite a bit to say. I’ll just start at the beginning.

It was way back in May of 2008 when life was great. I was finally starting to get my poop in a scoop about having a business of my own. I was back to doing work around nonviolence and peace teams which I love. I had actual coaching clients. I was at my lowest weight in my adult life. Even better, I was taking kick boxing and yoga and feeling like my body might be capable of coordinated movement.

A. and I were long overdue to break up. So when I got back from my trip to Michigan, we went out to breakfast and did just that. It was ...anti-climatic. It is worth mentioning here because of Eris.

Now, some readers may know that at the end of what is a very long story, I have a relationship of sorts with Eris, sometimes known as Discordia, Queen of Chaos & Strife, the Fairest One, etc. She’s a goddess so her ways of being and logic probably (hopefully) don’t resemble your own. For all she has a questionable reputation, she and I tend to get along pretty well. But she didn’t like me with A. Not at all. She was quite adamant that it needed to end. When it did, she was very pleased. Moreover, she approved. I hadn’t felt anything like it before. She was comforting about the break-up in her own way and I was very aware she was waiting at the edge of my consciousness. Senses out, waiting for something.

And so it was later that night, maybe 12 hours from the time I had sat across the booth from A at breakfast, that I sat at my kitchen table. The Esteemed Roommate was living with us then and in her accustomed place on the couch as we both companionably looked around the internet. I was restless from the sense of waiting. The intuitive bit in the back of my head buzzed and crackled a bit. There was something.

I was free. I turned that idea around in my head a bit. The Esteemed Roommate was fond of “shopping” for possible partners on local dating sites. No need to actually contact anyone, I could just look through the catalog as it were. I went to the random match page of one such site. I wasn’t going to message anyone. This was almost pre-cognition - I was thinking about thinking about dating someone new. The Roommate said I should think about what I did want. I thought to myself that Eris knew what I wanted, even if I couldn’t put it all together. I felt her stirring a bit in my consciousness. I addressed her directly, “I did what you wanted. Now show me something new.” There are those who question the wisdom of handing over your love life to Eris, but really, she was going to take it anyway.

There may have been one or two people prior to this attractive man on the screen but I had not lingered, so little was their appeal. It really was like flipping through a catalog. But this man, with the great, still eyes, he held my attention. I read his profile and he sounded grounded and well-balanced and fun. He was a big fan of honesty and eye-contact. I liked him. Maybe I would message him someday.

I went to another dating site. (There are apparently hundreds.) On this one, I put in minimal parameters -- men age 30-60, interested in women. Here was this man’s picture again, right at the top. The buzzing and whispering at the back of my head was getting pretty loud. I flipped the laptop around to show The Roommate. She had emailed with him in the past. He was really nice. “Show me something new” I had said. So I wrote a brief message. Who knew, maybe he wouldn’t even write back.

But he did.

The first date was fine, maybe a little awkward. We were both a bit nervous. The second date went much, much better. When we relaxed, it was easy to fall in sync with one another. We talked, we walked through the park, I skipped kick boxing. When we kissed the first time, I was shaking. He felt Important.